Thank You and Good Night!

Sometimes, just sometimes… things in life are meant to be and sometimes life rolls you a snake eyes. You’ve probably read all the stuff about it’s what you do after you’ve been knocked down as to what defines a character and I suppose in many instances that’s true, i’ve been trying to find out what that means over the last couple of weeks. It comes part in parcel with sport and it’s not the first time in sport that something hasn’t gone my way.

For me, unfortunately the XX Commonwealth Games – Glasgow 2014 isn’t to be. I did pretty much everything I could to give myself an opportunity to compete at the games but this time things didn’t go my way. Although I met the qualification standards, so did another 8 fellas. That left a decision for Scottish Wrestling to pick their 7 athletes to go forward for nomination to Commonwealth Games Scotland and form the Wrestling Squad for the games.

I found out about 3 weeks ago that my journey was drawing to a close and have been reflecting on it a bit. I’ve you’ve been reading this from the start then you will know that this journey has had its ups and its downs and this doesn’t really feel like a low, which I think is a bit strange.  Of course I’m disappointed, who wouldn’t be. You put in the effort, learn a completely new skill set, a new sport and hit your target to be told that you aren’t getting the opportunity. Yep disappointment reigns for a bit. Even as I write this I’ve only just informed the world through the medium of facebook and the comments people have made are really supportive and overly kind, a few tickets for the 125kg wrestling have become available, but thanks to those who have left that bit of support it’s appreciated.  And to those that had faith to buy tickets in the first place – out of my hands, but it will be awesome to go to anyway!

www.goscotland.org

Scottish Wrestling have made the right decision, I would have made the same one and I knew that it would most likely be the case as we travelled back up from Birmingham after the English open, once we figured out there were 9 guys who met the criteria. The guys who have been selected are a seriously good bunch of wrestlers and hopefully they can pick up a medal at the games. Of the 7 selected 6 are institute supported and the other represented Scotland at the Commonwealth Games, Manchester in 2002.  That means time and money has been invested into those guys and let’s be honest, you would want those guys representing your country. You will see from Team Scotland’s announcement that they have doubled up on a few categories and sacrificed 97kg and 125kg.

It does however draw a close to my experiences over the last 18 months and to this blog in its current form. I’ve enjoyed it, it’s been a good process and given me a chance to look back. I’m immensely proud of what I’ve managed to achieve in a short space of time. I met the commonwealth games qualification standards for a sport that I had no previous experience in, managed to set up a new wrestling club in Edinburgh, become a qualified wrestling coach, reintroduced some people to the sport they love and introduced a few newbies to it as well. In the end, that’s what it’s really all about.

I’ve been amazed and humbled by the support of my friends and family and even those who I don’t know who have spoken to me about wrestling and this is my thank you to them all. I am sorry it didn’t quite pan out the way we hoped but we set out to achieve our goal and we did that and I’m going to stick at it and keep training over the next few years to get to 2018 in the Gold Coast.

In that sense the journey is really just beginning, 2014 will have a few more developments that you will probably hear about over the next couple of weeks and months but I’ll leave that for another time. What now… a bit of time to recovery from this nagging back injury I’ve had over the last couple of months and a bit of family time.

But to finish, people don’t realise how much influence and inspiration they have had and I hope that over the last year and a half I’m managed to spark something in someone to try something a bit different.  My sincere thanks to everyone who has been involved, given their time, motivated me, wrestled me and just given me a bit of a boost when I needed it – cheers.

I shall leave you all with a few lessons learnt – not that anyone will ever use them but good to know!

1: you don’t look as bad in a singlet as you think you do

2: Wrestling shoes can double us as nightclub favourites.

3: Do not let an Eastern European put you in a headlock

4: Do not look at the clock!

5: Don’t be afraid of the big guys, it’s the little ones you need to watch

6: Actually, your coaches are normally right.

7: Give something new a chance, you’ll probably learn to love it.

8: Friends - it’s amazing who you meet and support you.

That pretty much sums it up. Thanks again and I’m sure I will see a few of you kicking about in the next little while!

All the best and as always thanks for taking time out to read.

Mike

@shocksjr

 

 

jumping the hurdle

A three month break in blogging for me but I’m back and what a couple of months it’s been. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster for me the last couple of months, I’ve been motivated and unmotivated, determined to succeed and broken to the point of giving up but something happened last month that changed all that, I don’t know what – just an epiphany.  I haven’t really wanted to write a blog, I was disappointed with myself for not being able to train as much. I lost my focus after the British back in July last year, I can tell from reading my blogs back, yes, I was always keen to get back into it but the reality is that I haven’t been quite right since. I still get pain in my chest if I sit in an upright position, it’s brutal.

I’ve been incredibly busy over the last few months, with work and all the things that I do out of work – I currently chair ClubSportEdinburgh (Local Sports Council) and as a result sit of the Edinburgh Leisure board of directors. Having started my Masters, something has to give. I’ve been saying yes to a lot of things over the last year really to get out there and do something to make a difference but that has all had a toll on my personal life and when your 3 year old son comes up and asks to play or comes up and says “Daddy, can I have a cuddle or are you too busy” that’s the moment where you say of course not and you stand back and evaluate what you are actually doing. I’ve re-evaluated my priorities and am going to drop a few things and am not taking on nearly as much as I have been. Wrestling, made the grade and is staying up there as something I’m continuing with…unsurprisingly.

 

The 23^rd February heralded the final qualification event of the Scottish Wrestling programme and it was a must to get on the podium. There was something very different about my mind set in the run up to this one. With about 2/3 weeks I suddenly became almost carefree about the result and more confident in my ability to wrestle. I kept a close eye on my weight and dropped from 123kg to 119.6kg to ensure that I didn’t have any issues at weigh in the night before.  I was brimming with confidence all week and it showed in the competition.

My wrestling session the Wednesday before competition was good, very physical but I found the zone and stayed in it and worked myself hard. Steve noticed and was pretty happy with the training performance. I got home and had a massage off Ross, my physio and he did a great job, the niggles in my back subsided and I felt in good shape.You would be surprised about the number of people who told me or text me “you better qualify, I’ve already got tickets.” – Nothing like a bit of added pressure when you’re preparing for competition.

The English Open Championships were in Birmingham, another long journey into the depths of England. It was the first British Wrestling event of 2014 and there was no weight allowance, hence the cut. I was chatting to Michael about cutting on the way down and he laughed and said “don’t talk to me about cutting 3kg!” back in the day I think Michael had to cut significantly more and didn’t want to hear me chirp on about being hungry for not eating carbs most the week.

I’m a much better wrestler than I was 7 months ago, feeling strong and my technical ability continues to increase which is something that you would expect. The English started with 5 wrestlers. First up I got to wrestle Mark Cocker.  Mark is weighing in at about 106kg and possibly looking to drop down a weight class in the run up to the games, our bout was fine. The focus was just to hold out as long as possible and for me my personal goal was to not get pinned. I was taught a lesson in technical wrestling. Mark shot for my legs got a take down and tried a leg lace. I conceded a few points but we were brought back up and with not much time on the clock and being down by 8 points I thought I had nothing to lose, went for the shot was blocked and that was it. Technical fall – but not a pin.

The next bout for me was against Chinu Chinu, again I like Chinu, he keeps himself to himself but we get on alright. I have a great deal of respect for both Chinu and Cocker so it’s always good having the opportunity to wrestle them. Last time I wrestled Chinu was at the same competition last year. My first ever match as a competitive wrestler and it was over so quickly it was ridiculous. This time was a bit of a different story. I felt like I was matching Chinu for strength standing up, I was feeling good and he was just a bit too technical for me again, got the take down but I managed to defend well on the floor and there wasn’t much he could do which was a huge improvement for me. I spoke to Chinu briefly after and said “better than last year” his response “keep it up” which was nice of him to say.

That meant there were two bouts left and they were both must wins for me. The first was against a guy called Rodney from Fearless wrestling club. I’m not sure why he wasn’t there but he withdrew from the competition in the morning which put me down as a win. That was a lucky lucky break but also left me in the position of wrestling against Marek from Birmingham for the bronze, assuming he didn't beat Chinu or Cocker.

This was the one, the must win and coach Michael, took me aside and told me the game plan, stick to our strengths and do what we do but most importantly he told me to focus and I had a real chance to meet the qualification standards for the commonwealth games. This was for Bronze and that podium finish. In a sense it was what the last 18 months has been all about.

I felt great going out there, there were small butterflies but nothing major and it was out onto the mat a quick hand shake and into the match. I was focussed and confident, I circled well. Marek tried for a single, I blocked and went for my single which I got and pushed him out for a point. The match continued in that vain for the next minute, I got a couple of points here and there before going for another single leg that saw me score 4 points and take a healthy 8 – 0 lead. My final points came from Marek going for a throw which he did well, but I managed to step out and get behind him to get the tech fall and win the match.

I was pretty elated. The pressure was off, I shook hands with Marek and the referee and there is something great about the feeling of having your hand raised in the middle of the mat. I shook the hand of the opposing coach and then back to my corner and gave Michael a hug.

It’s been 18 months since I got into in to wrestling - 12 months competitively and 9 without injury. To me that is a good achievement and something I’m incredibly proud of. I would love to take my wrestling further. Yes, I’ve met the qualification standards for Glasgow 2014 but I will need to wait and see, that may well be the biggest hurdle but it’s certainly not the last. Scotland had 9 men meet the qualification standards for only 7 places available, which is awesome for the sport. So.. it does still mean that I’m still fighting for that place in the final team, and even then it has to be approved by Commonwealth Games Scotland. There are things that will go in my favour in selection and those that won’t. So it really is a wait and see situation. The team announcement is in May, so we will need to see what happens. But I’ve got my fingers crossed.

In amongst all that, there was a competition to organise the following week and wow, that was stressful. The club managed to pull it off and the event was fantastic. I also decided to compete. I really didn’t want to but if I hadn’t there would have been no bout for the other 100+ lad. I’m not making excuses for losing this one, he wanted it more than me at the end of the day, it was a close contest and he won it with a last second flurry. Fair play – I was exhausted and just happy to have that out the way but I don’t think it would have done me any favours with commonwealth games selection but you can’t do everything!

So what now, I start training again like I’ve not qualified except with qualification out the way, there is no pressure on me and I can enjoy it again. I’ve been watching a bit of heavyweight wrestling on you tube, whilst not the most exciting it is teaching me quite a bit. Then it’s a wait and see what happens with the selection process. It would be the cherry on the cake of what has already been a remarkable journey and I hope that I will have some good news to report in the not too distant future.

Thanks for taking time out and as always, thanks to everyone who has helped me out along the way. You don’t know how appreciative I am!.

Cheers,

Mike

@Shocksjr 

Happy Hogmanay! 204 days to go.

As usual, apologies for the delay in keeping the blog up to date. Poor chat from me I know. Must do better...

First off, I wanted to say a thank you to everyone who took time to read my post last month about Andy, I was pretty humbled to get some of the messages and hear from a lot of people I have lost touch with over the years. It was nice to hear from you all, we should try to stay in touch a bit more often.

To start this post... It would be rude to not to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy Hogmanay!

I am on Christmas break for a couple of weeks and pleased to report that  I've managed to dominate the traditional Christmas "Tripoley" (card game consisting of poker and Michigan rummy) stakes at the Wallace residence in Pittenweem and the Lawrenson residence in Aberdeen, so i'm pretty chuffed with all that much to the annoyance of my wife. It has been nice to catch up with everyone, I have been so busy over the last couple of months it's been hard to see family as much as I would have liked so its great to spend a bit of time off the grid. I'm sure everyone finds that. 

Whether i'm at home or work I get asked the recurring question - I guess that's because people know that i've taken up wrestling and am trying to earn myself a spot at Glasgow 2014. The question, has moved on from "what is your entrance music going to be? or What is your finishing move?" it's much more general and is as you would expect "How is the Wrestling going?" I have almost developed a standard answer to this and that is - "yeah, it's going good thanks." I normally say that without even thinking about it, so after having a bit of time to reflect I found myself thinking is the wrestling going well? I questioned myself about it after bumping into my neighbour on the train and he said, "Still positive about it all?" 

That is a really good question - I think with hindsight and a bit of time to reflect you get a much better picture of where you are mentally and more importantly where you were. I know for a fact that mentally I have been drained and that has has an impact of my physical ability to train. To answer the question truthfully, the answer has to be, yes, I'm confident that my wrestling skills are getting better and i'm a lot more savvy on the mat and know what I'm doing. I had a couple of great wrestling sessions over the last couple of weeks which Steve which have honed in on my strength in attack and helped me with a bit of strategy which is always good. My physical fitness - it's ok, i've not hit the gym as much over the last two months, in part down to time constraints and in part down to niggly injuries but they are really just excuses. I kind of hit a bit of a rut after my injury back in June and i do still have a bit of pain ever now and again. I probably could have trained harder in the gym and I need to, I am going back to it hard in 2014. Sometimes you need a bit of motivation and I found mine. There are only 204 day to Glasgow 2014

www.scottishstudentsport.com

I had a nice surprise - I was asked to close the Scottish Student Sport Christmas Seminar a couple of weeks ago and had a do a presentation and talk about what I was doing and a bit about my wrestling journey. That gave me a bit of perspective, it really has been a bit of a mental journey and I have met some great people along the way and I've found out who my friends are and aren't. I looked back at the journey as a whole and one of the things that came out of my talk was that i've been wrestling now for 16 months, that is nothing in the grand scheme of things. If I mange to qualify in February it will be nothing short of good fortune. Not wanting to do myself a discredit but I am realistic. I've been hammered by people who think that I took up the sport as a quick and easy way to get to the commonwealth games. None of whom who have taken time to get on the mat and actually try it. Just because there isn't any other 120kg (from January 125kg) guys doesn't mean that its a shoe in by any stretch of the imagination. If there is one thing I've learnt so far from this experience it that wrestlers put in a phenomenal amount of work, it's a different lifestyle, you have to be adaptable to your training and you have to put in the hard yards at to make sure you progress but even more so than that, if you get the chance to represent your country, you have to earn it. My two closing notes at the seminar we Never Give Up and Don't be afraid to try something new, you never know what doors will open up for you and that is certainly true to what i've found.

My progress into wrestling has been good, for someone who had never even thought about the sport, i've done all right and more importantly i've enjoyed it and love doing it. I'm reading a book at the moment called "No Helmets Required" by Gavin Willacy. Gav is a really good bloke, passionate about what he does as a sports journalist and Author, I met Gav about 10 years ago now on a Rugby League tour. The book he has written is about an American footballer called Mike Dimitro, who in the 50's who set up the American All Stars to tour Australia, the guy was a complete cowboy but there was a passage in the book where Gavin articulated how I felt a couple of years ago. After Football Mike Dimitro needed that challenge, needed the ability to stiff arm someone and legitimately and legally smash them on the field of play. I know how that feels and that's exactly how I felt when I hung up my rugby boots.

Although my introduction 10 months ago into Wrestling Competition was a brutal one, these days it has taken me past the point where Coach Cavanagh is happy to wrestle me if he can help it, you see, Vio the Scottish Assistant Coach did a head snapping session last time I was through in Glasgow and it did wonders for me, last time I wrestled Michael he said afterwards it was like getting clubbed by a bear which of course made me chuckle. 

Michael was kind enough to speak to Sportscotland's Young Person's Sports Panel who were doing a video on commonwealth sports. I know Chris Sellar who is on the panel and he asked if he could get some footage. They did a fantastic job of the video which is below if you want to take a look alternatively click here , Chris Sellar did a great piece and I hope the sport comes across well and it comes across that we are realistic about what can be achieved and if I don't make it to Glasgow 2014. Michael is quite right, I've an outside chance of qualifying but it's still a chance. There is no shame, although it would be nice to show some people, its not about that, i'm doing this for me. If I don't make it, I will reassess, keep fit and try for 2018 games in the Gold Coast. 

My qualification date has changed to 23 February (scuppers my 30th plans). For me that is D -Day and I'm nervously excited for it. January is going to herald a month of Wrestling for me, I'm planning to make every session I can and am going to work my arse off in the gym in the run up just to build fitness going into that competition. On the day, I reckon I have an outside chance of qualifying, it depends who turns up and what my side of of the draw looks like, but I will give it everything I've got and hopefully I will be able to come away with a couple of wins and a podium finish, which will see me meet the games qualification criteria! It will be a bit surreal.

Away from the mat, I've actually been trying to get more involved in the sport and i'm delighted to say that after my volunteering interview back in August, I've been offered a "field of play" volunteering post for Glasgow 2014, so if I miss the qualification target I will be there with the best seat in the house! I had a pretty awesome week in the fact that I got an email from Glasgow 2014 about the volunteering, had something through about the Queens Baton Relay and I got accepted to the University of Aberdeen for a MSc Project Management (distance learning). That means if I qualify, I will technically be a student again, provisionally for the next three years which will take me to a decade of studentship! Van Wilder eat your heart out. Not bad for a kid who left Waid Academy with one Higher C in English but that's a story for another day.

I also went along to the Scottish Wrestling Association AGM last month as well, and they put out the plea for volunteers to get involved. Given that I work in Sports Development I thought it would be poor show not to offer my services and experience to the sport. So hopefully will be co-opted onto the board in the new year and can get to work helping to develop the Scottish Governing Body. 

That pretty much sums up my thoughts to date. 2013 has been a good year, it's been tough but I think it's only fair that I say a heart felt thank you to a few people who have had a massive influence in my life and without them I wouldn't be in the privileged position I am in. So... thanks to my coaches - Michael, Steven, Vlad and Vio. Alex for all the work he has put in on the S&C side. My friends who have been helping me out along the way and  last but most importantly, my family - who never complain about the time away from home, the late nights and the countless journeys around the country. Finally, thanks to those that read this blog, its nice to hear that sometimes people take a bit of inspiration from this little tale of mine.


Happy Hogmanay: All the Best for 2014 - it's going to be a hell of year!

@shocksjr

Tribute to a Friend Lost

I thought I would give people a little bit of forewarning about this blog post. It has absolutely nothing to do with Wrestling or my Road to 2014. Personally, its more important than that. Sometimes you have to take a break from the now and remember. So if you were hoping for wrestling chat or my normal blog banter, you will have to wait a week or so. I'm not making any apologies, this post is about one of the best guys I ever had the pleasure of knowing and its a tribute from me to him.

Tribute to a Friend Lost

November always heralds a sad time of year, of course armistice day reminds us all of the sacrifice of so many who laid down their lives so that we could be free. It is a very humbling time of year. Lest we forget.

For me and some of my close friends; November will always be a time where we remember a friend who was taken from us a little over 9 years ago. It is hard to believe how quickly time has passed and how long ago that actually was... the more I think about it... this is going to be a very hard blog to write. It's already taken me three weeks to piece it together. I want to try and articulate how much someone can mean to you and how a loss of someone close can effect you and above all I want to honour the memory of my best friend by introducing you to him in my own way. I've never spoken publicly about him and I rarely talk about him in private if i'm honest...but that isn't to say I don't think about him. I do that a lot.

Andy Couser was one of the good one's. I know that is a little cliché these days to say that about someone who you know, who has passed away but I'm not going to apologise for it. I certainly haven't met anyone like him since and doubt very much I will again. Andy, was an influence on me, not a bad influence (except for his smoking and drinking) but certainly an influence and still is to this day - My son is named for Andy = Cameron Andrew Wallace. My life took some crazy turns because of him passing which in part has made me who I am today.

Andy, was from Donaghadee, a small little town in Northern Ireland. He went to Campbell College before coming across to Napier University in Edinburgh to study Sport and Exercise Sciences which is where we met. What a bloke, although he was attached for the most part whilst at uni, all the girls loved him and they all got on really well with him, he was a gent, so it was no surprise. I wouldn't call him a fashionista but  he had more shoes than I have socks. He was a proper lad and loved his rugby, a good bloke. 

Sometimes you meet those likeable characters, Andy was one of those people and we became good mates, if not the best of mates. We played rugby together, went to uni together, socialised together and of course drank together. Drank far too much together! Not just us, there was a good crew of us who were all good mates.

We had some awesome times. 2003/2004 was great and 2004 we had the summer of our lives, we worked the doors at the 3 sisters and Faith Nightclub and drank a lot we were just completing second year of uni, if I remember correctly - just scraping through though. We had the social scene in Edinburgh nailed to a T.  Thought we were the mutts nuts and back in those days, the clubbing scene was pretty decent and cheap! 50p pints! I'll give you the run down -

Monday - Revolution (Now Picture House)
Tuesday - Establishment
Wednesday - Shark @ City
Thursday - Gaia (Now Silk)
Friday - Worked
Saturday - Worked
Sunday - Sunday

We must have done that for months and probably why my memory of 2003/2004 is so bad. Big Tunes 2004 was the CD of choice and "My My My" by Armand Van Helden was a particular favourite of ours. If I had to pick one stand out night with Andy, It wasn't the booziest of nights, those I barely remember. I had to call Andy to get me home after getting drunk somewhere in Leith, i had no idea where the hell I was and he had to guide me back over the phone to some where I recognised. My favourite night was after a usual messy night at Rev. We walked for ages before heading to Faith for a night cap and ended up sitting and chatting on Lauriston Place in Edinburgh opposite the old hospital. We put the world to rights and planned our trip to Australia, planning to ditch uni about Christmas for a year and go exploring down under. We sat till about 5:00am just talking before making our way to the Spiders Web in Haymarket for a 6:00am pint. Yep, it was a full on night of drinking, that's how we used to do it back in those days. 8:30am quickly came about and we both had an epiphany - we could make the principles of coaching lecture at Uni! we made it, absolutely wrecked, reeking of booze, stumbled in - Struggled to stay awake and then went home. Pretty standard.

If I had to describe Andy to you, he was stylish, a bit on the rugged side, but his main attribute was that he was a funny funny bloke, sarcastic but funny. He was a big lad, not fat just a well built bloke but you could probably describe him as a bit of a softy, a gentle lad. All round good guy with his head screwed on and he loved a drink and a boogie. The boy band falll back was a particular favourite of his, hilarious to watch, I did it in a night club over the summer this year in a kilt, and fell on my arse. I got thrown out of a pub in Australia as well for doing it before meeting the neighbours cast. I will never learn.

I make it sound like Andy and I just drank, that's not really fair. We did have an awesome time and loads of laughs. Finishing work, Andy used to take me home to where ever I was staying in his black Renault Clio, one the way, we would play "I am not a taxi". Obviously a made up game but pretty funny, driving around town waiting for unsuspecting people to hail you and then stopping rolling down the window and saying "I am not a taxi". It's the simple things in life.

Unfortunately, We never did get the chance to go to Australia together. I don't want to get into the circumstances surrounding Andy's death, he died in the early morning of 4 November 2004 after a fall from height. What I will say is that that day was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. He was due to pick me up from work at Subway Sandwiches that afternoon and I had been dropping a few texts to get a match report of the night before, but not getting any replies which was odd. I knew something wasn't right pretty much straight away, you just get that feeling but I couldn't put my finger on it. Andy didn't show to pick me up and I went home. I was changing and about to jump in the shower when I got the call from my old boss Big Ian. He said, and I remember it clear as day "Shockers, You better take a seat son, I don't know how to tell you this... but Andy is dead." It took a minute to sink in but I said I understand and hung up. On the way to the living room where I had a couple of mates I was screaming something at them, I almost collapsed on the way to the room, my head was spinning and I just didn't know what to do, I had gone a bit hysterical and finally managed to spit it out that our friend had died. 

I called home, crying, that was all I could do, I didn't know what else to do, finally manage to blurt out that Andy had died and all I remember was my mum saying "Oh No!! and then telling me that it was going to be hard but I will pull through." what else could she say. 

The evening consisted with me trying to get the message out to our friends and having a lot of people coming and going. We all met down at the 3 sisters, there must have been 20-30 of us, maybe more and we all walked down to the western approach road where we met Andy's family and we paid our respects to our friend, cried, tried to get our heads around what had happened and Timmy Lowes, bless him asked if we could all pray and we did.

I got a letter through the post 2 days after from my Dad. It was a very nice letter which I still have. He explained that it was going to be tough and that mum and him knew that Andy was a big part in my life and how important he was. Mum tried to explain that "God has a reason, although in circumstances like these its incredibly hard to see what they are." Honestly, i'm still looking for that answer and I don't know if I will ever find it.

a large group of us travelled to Andy's funeral, a few people were told they could go see Andy a final time before they closed the coffin. I point blank refused at the first offer but needed that closure in my mind and Matt Thompson came in with me to see him for the final time. My head was spinning, I had never seen a body before and it didn't really look like Andy, although it was. I had a moment, said a prayer and a good bye and shed a few tears in the process, that was one of the hardest things I have ever done and have never spoken of it.

Andy was buried the next day and there were about a 1000 people at the funeral, testament to how well he was loved. I have no idea how Andy's Dad Alan did it but he gave the Eulogy and it was one of the most touching heart felt things I have ever heard. He gave us all a poem that has resonated with a few in our group of friends which is below.

I suspended my studies after Andy died and took 2 years out of uni. It took me a long time to come to grips with what had happened and I struggled for the longest time with it all, I bottled it up and tried to be strong for those who needed me to be, I actually used to write letters to Andy to help me deal with things, telling him how things were going and that we all missed him. I think a little part of me was lost after Andy died, part of the fun had gone out of life. I never had counselling although the uni did offer it, I chose to do things my own way and went off the rails for a little bit. Looking back on it all, I struggled and its thanks to a few people who really picked me up. I'm not going to name names but I hope they know who they are.

You can put these things down to life experience, they aren't nice, i'm not saying they are good experiences, but you do come out the other side knowing more about yourself that you did before and you are more resilient. My dad lost his best friend as well and I've never really spoken to him about it, and maybe I should, not easy topics but it is good to talk. It did bring me closer to some of my friends now and we will always have Andy as someone who brought us together. I haven't spoken to Andy's parents and brother for a while but they are people who I became very fond of and admire their courage and value their friendship. 

Andy Couser taught me numerous things, we pulled each other through 2nd year uni for one, but more than that he showed me how to have a good time, take myself less seriously and somehow always to look for the good in people. It of course makes me sad to think about what might have been. Its the same for anyone, if you have lost someone you always try to celebrate the life and not mourn the death. It's a good philosophy and I think one that has pulled numerous people out of grief. There will always be a void, I know that. Having someone close to you pass away is never going to be easy. I should have talked about it more, so if it does happen don't be afraid to open up about it and let it out and remember that everyone deals with things their own way. 

Andy's passing taught me a hell of a lot about myself. It makes you think and it takes time. They say time is the best healer of them all. That's true to a point, as you progress with your life the grief does disperse and you spend more time remembering the good times, which is always good and by doing that you know that you have lost someone special because you miss them. It's normal, all perfectly normal, we are human after all.

Martin Luther King once said that the true measure of a man is not where he stands in comfort and convenience but where he stands and times of challenge and controversy. I've always liked that... I like to think that I finished Uni because I owed it to Andy to do so, he was awarded his degree posthumously and was awarded a 2:1 which I thought was quite amusing considering the lack of work we had done up till his passing. I walked away with a 2:2 which continues to make me laugh, he will always have one up on me in that regard! 

I still miss him, I couldn't tell you what life would be like if Andy was still here with us, but I do know that it would certainly be that little bit better.

May you continue to Rest In Peace mate:

Death is Nothing at All by Henry Scott Holland

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away to the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, 

That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.

Speak to me in the easy way

which you always used.

Put no difference into your tone.

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed

at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word

that it always was.

Let it be spoken without effect.

Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It is the same that it ever was.

There is absolute unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind

because I am out of sight? 

I am but waiting for you.

For an interval.

Somewhere. Very near.

Just around the corner.

All is well. 

Vacations, Competitions and Operations

Vacation time - Alvor, Portugal

Right then... I've given you all six weeks off from reading the Blog and now its time to get back into things. I've been pretty busy, same old stuff really nothing much has changed, I say that but when I think about it I have been doing a lo and keeping myself out of bother. I'm still working, wrestling, eating, sleeping and I've been on Holiday. I had a pretty chilled out week in Portugal at the start of September. It was pretty awesome and the place we were staying had a gym that wasn't really used by anyone except for me and a couple of locals, so I managed to keep some training up! Lots of swimming, which was great because it's taught the little guy how to swim. A really nice family holiday was pretty good to recharge the batteries both physically and mentally. 

On to wrestling - - - First thing to tell you all about is (in case you have been in your own world) last month the IOC unsurprisingly decided to reinstate Wrestling into the Olympic programme, was it ever really in doubt? possibly, but more of a wake up call for the sport than anything else I think. it was a pretty comprehensive victory for the sport but you have to feel for squash and karate, particularly squash, that's three attempts to get to the Olympics and a lot of money spent for not a great deal of return. Of course, great news for Wrestling though! I think the IOC would have been hard pressed to justify getting rid of one of the ancient Olympic sports in replace for sports like Golf, Tennis, Football, Rugby 7's but I've mentioned that previously so no need to dwell, its back and that's the main thing.

Second, the Tryst Lions Open at the end of September. I had two bouts and lost two, it was pretty disappointing but as I found, you live and learn from these experiences. I felt great prior to going, training had been going well and I was feeling really strong, my weight programme from Alex was doing the job well. My first bout was against Ewan Maddox, a good friend of mine who is also a potential Commonwealth Games athlete for next year at 96kg which was all good, wrestled Ewan a couple of times at the club and its usually a good scrap. Ewan has been wrestling for about 3 1/2 years and has some good skills.

First of all... The venue was Ravenscraig Regional Sports Facility in Motherwell, the fella's involved at Tryst Lions and North Lanarkshire Council did a superb job of making the place look great. It was really exciting to walk in there and see the place. They did themselves and their club proud and it was a fantastic day out. My problems, however started the night before... I couldn't for love nor money find my red singlet! It was ridiculous, I looked everywhere for it and it was no where to be seen, so I ended up stressing about that and was up late worrying about what the heck I was going to do. I was wondering what the toll on my body was for all this training, i'm pretty tired alot of the time, despite getting a fair bit of sleep, I sometimes feel like I just need to rest.

Tryst Lions Open at Ravenscraig Regional Sports Centre

Not a great start - however I travelled through for the 8:00am weigh in and weighed in at a nice 119.4kg and then decided that because I was so tired, I needed a nap so ventured out for a power nap in the car. I must have been snoozing for about 45 minutes and woke up and went back in to the hall. I still had a reasonable amount of time before my bout but the issue I find with Wrestling competitions is that you never know how long you have. In theory there are 6 minutes per match but pins and technical falls make it impossible to tell. Despite trying to get into the zone, I just couldn't get into it. I wasn't comfortable, I don't know whether its because with this little quest I've put myself under pressure, or whether it was because it was my first match back from injury or simply that I was tired, only had a blue singlet and just wasn't feeling it.

The match came about, I got on the mat with Ewan... Coach Cavanagh was in my corner and we started to wrestle. Ewan kindly loaned me his red singlet that was a size to small, so I looked more like I was rocking a badly fitting women's swim suit, proper budgie smuggling! anyway, I scored first with a leg attack that put Ewan into the blue to take a 1 - 0 lead. Then I don't know why I did it but I went for a double leg attack, got countered and before I could react on the ground ended up in a very easy pin position for Ewan and that was that. Not taking away anything from Ewan, he did well, read the situation -,reacted well and won the match. But... yet again I was my own worst enemy, if I had stuck to the game plan and defended after I had scored that would have been the smart thing to do and the match might have been a bit different. I haven't got the mat awareness that I need yet but that only comes with matches.

The heavyweights from the Tryst Open

The second match, I was nervous about but really looking forward to, it was against a fella called Gregory Martinetti. As it turns out Gregory is a former Olympian who fought for Switzerland in the 2000 games. He fought at 85kg back then and wow, what an experience wrestling him. He was fluid, very very impressive and there wasn't much I could do to stop him scoring, I managed to avoid the head locks which was a result for me and had a reasonable scrap with him but he was far too quick for me, every time he moved there was another point and not surprisingly he beat me convincingly 7 - 0. Again, in Wrestling there are only winners and learners and I took away a lot from that bout and that meant I finished in 3rd of 3. Not great! 

From that you might think a wasted journey, but  you have to look at what I have learnt from it. Positives are sometimes really difficult to find but I have found that you need to look outside the bx a little when your against the wall. Psychology plays a massive part sport in general and especially in wrestling. I need to learn to have a bit more control and train myself to get in the "zone". And what is that "zone"? for me its a place where i'm warmed up, psychologically ready to get on the mat, i have been through my visualisation and am ready to compete. I had it at the British Novices and at Bolton, even at the British Championships when I got injured but didn't have it at Tryst, and what a difference. I have a plan and warm up routine, but I really need to work hard to implement it. I used to do it for rugby but haven't managed to transfer it across to wrestling...yet, possibly because my rugby routine playing for Scotland used to have me taking a couple of minutes somewhere quiet Toilet or more often than not in the shower. It is so important to focus, and i think that at the last competition I really just couldn't so I need to go into the next one ready and will my own routine.

In other Wrestling news, its been pretty exciting, despite a bad day for me at Ravenscraig - we got measured for the kit for next year, if anyone knows me, they will know that I'm a big lover of stash! I roamed in and had to try on the Asics gear which was all pretty smart, a little small on the day and I measured in at a 50 inch chest, which is the biggest I have ever been and was the biggest the guys from Team Scotland had measured at that time... they still had the weightlifters and hammer throwers, some big lads! I've also got access to the Team Scotland on-line management system, which is pretty interesting. They ask loads of questions and take a lot of details, so I guess if I do qualify they will utilise that info. They ask some pretty random stuff - what year in history I would like to have lived through? have a think about that one, its tough! its really exciting to be included in those things and here all the plans for the coming months, just a reminder that things are real and starting to come together.

Back home, on the family front. Emma has got a new job, which is awesome for her. It does mean that my training schedule has had to change a bit. Wednesday at Edinburgh Wrestling Club, Thursday at Emirates with my new training partner Iain Feenan. I really enjoyed having Iain down, he picked it up pretty quickly and we had a good brawl but again I was knackered by the end of it, Vio put us through our paces a little with the warm up but Iain being the machine he is, is still in pretty good nick. Great to have a training partner.

I managed to get along to the club at Tullibody the other week, which was awesome, I really enjoyed the coaching from Alan and Colin, its a great club but a tad far away for me. Training at Edinburgh Wrestling Club has been good, we need more people down to really get things going, its a shame that we haven't got more, so if you haven't got anything to do on a Wednesday and your in Edinburgh, get along, it would help me out! I have managed to get my first win against Coach Cavanagh 8 - 5. It took me over a year to do it
It was the extra minute that let me do that and that meant I had bragging rights for the week, last we had a tough session and there was a rematch which saw Michael throw me with about 3 seconds to go to win the match 3-1 so my gloating was very short lived. Frustrating as he has the bragging rights back but good to know that your coach can boss you.

I even had Dave Simm back at the club this week, he has forgotten a few things, but is still a brute to wrestle against, he did really well, I was burst after the session but managed to get a suicide throw and a pin which was good for me but lucky! That session we had Chris Sellar from the Sportscotland Young Persons Sports Panel in doing a video. The guys and girls from the panel are making a video showcasing all the commonwealth sports and I think Chris found it pretty tough and got some decent footage. He did an interview with Michael and myself so hopefully they can use that. Will be nice for Wrestling to get a little promo.

Cup cake fest!

I've been trying to watch what I eat this month - however, Emma has been baking like a daemon over the last couple of weeks practising for a family friends 21st birthday, Halloween themed cupcakes and I have been the tasting board. The cakes have been pretty awesome, very tasty and Emma should be pretty proud, not a trained baker or decorator but she nailed it with the Chocolate Orange, Vanilla, Sticky Toffee Apple, Pumpkin and caramel cupcakes. Yum!

I suppose the final thing for me has been a couple of days of worrying about my old man. I drove through to Pittenweem after a really nice weekend with Emma, I took her out for a meal and to see the Lion King at the Edinburgh Playhouse for her Birthday - seats were great but wow the playhouse is not designed for any man over 6 foot tall, so cramped. I spent the last 20 minutes trying to shift the pain from my knees to my hips to avoid having to get up. Almost gave a standing ovation, just to be able to stretch. When I got to Pittenweem, there was an added bonus I was told there were clothes hanging up - and RESULT - the red singlet was there!

 My mission was to pick up my dad and take him through to hospital. Despite it being pretty brief and miserable weather, I do really enjoy being back in Pittenweem, its a nice part of the world. The old man was in for his spinal operation to fix the Stenosis in his neck, there was a 1% chance of paralysis and believe me - that plays on your mind, the what ifs weren't good to think about. He came out of it well, I popped into see him and he was cracking jokes and showing off, touching his toes. He was discharged a day early, so am very thankful to the surgeons and nurses at the Western General for their work. He is still recovering but its great that he is okay.

That pretty much wraps up the last 6 weeks in my life. Sorry if it was a little long, fair bit to catch up on!

As ever, thanks for taking a bit of time out to read. Really appreciate the support! still a long way to go but the focus for the next 6 months is really to get myself fitter, faster, stronger and hone down those techniques! 

@shocksjr

Wrestling 2020 and beyond

It’s been a good while since my last blog update, I can hear the thoughts of “not long enough” going through some people’s heads. Truth be told I've been trying to get this update done for over a week now and yet again in this little quest to become a Commonwealth Athlete. I've found it a bit of a struggle to balance all the facets of life. 

Actually training has been great fun the last few weeks, I've properly got back into my weights programme that Alex has done for me, I've been looking a reasonable size (muscle wise) and have been enjoying a bit of bulking in the gym currently at 119.1kg. Even better than that though I've been loving Wrestling. There was a stage admittedly that I was just so tired and run down that I really couldn't be bothered but I still did it and got through it. Even better though I've fully recovered from injury

I think every sports person who has had an injury will know what I'm talking about when I say that you get the “FEAR” when you get into the same position as when you received the injury the first time round. It happened to me in rugby – when I blew my knee out it was always in the back of my mind that I might do it again and that is a dangerous thing, you adjust your body position or don't pull all effort in and you are more likely to get injured. I'm past that bit with this injury. I probably got back on the mat 3-4 weeks too soon, but I needed to because my knowledge had slipped badly but after last night’s session, I'm pretty confident I'm back on track. It's nice to have that fluidity in your wrestling.

So…onto the International Olympic Committee recommendation. As you will be aware if you have any interest in the sport that this weekend is the announcement whether wrestling shall regain its place in the Olympic Programme after 2020. There have been some significant changes to the sport, and for those of you comedians out there, that doesn't mean fireworks, entrance music or a finishing move. They have changed the scoring system that is designed to make the sport more exciting and encourage more spectacular bouts. Don’t be fooled though, watching a couple of heavyweights compete isn’t going to be too much more exciting but you never know. If this whole saga with the IOC has done nothing more that give FILA a bit of a boot in the arse and raised the profile of the sport then that’s a good thing. It’s brought a lot of people from all over the world closer together and that can only be a good thing for the sport. Wrestling in Edinburgh has certainly benefited from the news that the IOC was going to turf it from the Olympics. I still struggle to get my head round that in the first place... a sport that was in the ancient Olympics from 776 B.C and has 300 million participants world wide its an outrageous idea to consider in the first place.

The IOC will announce this weekend their verdict based upon the presentations of the World Governing Bodies of the sports that were on the short list. Who is going to get in? Well, personally from chatting to a few people I think that Wrestling will rightly be restored to its place on the Olympic programme but I also think that to save face the IOC will need to put something else in as well. To my mind that has to be squash. Squash have been on the shortlist for the Olympics 3 times, they have made some incredible changes to the way their sport is perceived and viewed across the globe and let’s be honest if you look at squash, they deserve it. Whilst I think Karate would be a good addition to the programme I just don’t think the governing body is in a fit enough state to progress to that level of competition, that said there is of course argument to say that if it was granted access to the Olympics it would give the sport a boot in the right direction. There you have it … if I was a betting man Wrestling and Squash into the programme.

I’ve had a bit of a humbling experience over the last couple of weeks which has been pretty interesting. The first was heading home to see my parents for a couple of days. My old man is getting progressively worse with a stenosis in his neck which is affecting his walking. Although he is still doing too much and he knows it! 

My old man has been working tirelessly for the last 11 years on building a new church for the East Neuk Baptist Fellowship (Now Coast Line Community Church). Through the battles with planning and the community council who were opposed to it being built. Yep can you believe that a community council in a small fishing town were opposed to a new church facility that is open to the public, for conference, cafe, book store as well as a church. It's shocking that they didn't support the project and are still causing issues. Some people need a reality check.

Anyway I walked into the church building and the only thoughts going through my head were that dad had put in some much time, effort and thought into the building and I was incredibly proud of him. It was an amazing feeling knowing that your dad has had such a positive influence on somewhere that is going to benefit so many. What was even nicer was at the opening ceremony Mum and Dad were asked to cut the ribbon, testament to all the work that they had put into that.

David Smith - Changing Paths

I was pretty gutted I couldn’t be there, but more pressing matters needed tending to. Simmo (weeble’s) 30th birthday bash in Bristol. A competition of Mini Golf, Bowling and Laser Quest had me fighting off some old friends to try to win coupled with the first "Sharknado" drinkathon. I took a 2^nd place overall which I wasn’t going to complain about despite getting a gutter ball at bowling and completely sucking at golf.  

Then there was the the Edinburgh Sports Conference, we had David Smith MBE as a speaker, I've spoke about David before and about his story and I will say it again. The man is a complete inspiration. An incredible story that is really just opening another chapter as he hangs up his oars and jumps onto a bike in hope of Rio 2016. I was lucky enough to be able to speak to David for a bit before and after his speech at the conference. It’s not often you meet someone who has a Paralympic Gold Medal but even more impressive than that was how genuine a bloke he is, happy to chat to anyone and hear what their stories are. By the way, those medals are pretty damn heavy! He mentioned about planet X bikes. I am in the market for a road bike, I’ve never been a big rider but something I’m getting pretty keen to get into, so will do some exploring! If anyone can recommend some good bikes, I'm all ears!

Mexican Drug Lord Fool

My final humbling experience was having my good friend Ben over from Australia. You realise when you haven’t seen someone for 5 years and you can slip back into a good friendship like they have never been away you realise that people are good friends. We hit Edinburgh pretty hard, Castle, Whisky, Wrestling (he almost spewed) and even came up with a new business venture that i'm not going to mention - its too premature. It was great to see him and even better was the banter on Friday night at Emma’s birthday Mexican themed night. Ben pulled out the artistic side and made me a wrestling mask for the evening. See picture. What a hero and I drew some tattoos for him as a Mexican Drug Lord. Something that Cameron was pretty keen to emulate this week. He took a shine to Ben! He has been trying to find him for the last couple of days. Looking for his friend "Big Ben" as opposed to his cousin "Little Ben"

Nacho Libre

My final thing to report on is the Scottish Institute of Sport. I was asked to submit an application to the Wrestling High Performance Programme to get institute support. That application unsurprisingly came back negative. I dwelled on it for a minute or two but to be perfectly honest, why should the institute take me on? I’ve not got any qualification results.I haven’t shown that I’m good enough to compete in Glasgow 2014, I've only wrestled in 4 competitions - had I not been injured in the British it might have been a different story but the main thing is that if I qualify in March at the British closed, then its Team Scotland who have the final say and that is still my target and achievable So on that note – I have a lot of work to do, i'm going to work my arse off to make sure I compete at the Commonwealth Games on 29 July 2014. Ticket plug there! head to http://www.glasgow2014.com/tickets

Thanks for taking time out to have a read. Hope you enjoyed it.

@shocksjr

P.S = really good video from US Wrestling about keeping Wrestling in the Olympics